The Woman you are…
During all our lives we wear a multitude of different hats depicting our role at any given time. Most of the time we seamlessly switch hats without noticing. It becomes the norm. Sometimes we wear more than one hat at a time, balancing them all precariously on top of one another whilst spinning plates with all the jobs each hat’s responsibilities entail.
But, occasionally we have a moment of realisation of the hat we are currently wearing. Occasionally life seems to go in slow motion. You are consciously aware of your role; how it must be carried out; who is benefiting from it; what you need to do within it. Moments like this are odd. They are profound and in a way they are like an outer body experience; looking at yourself from the outside, seeing yourself for the woman you are in that moment.
From what I can make out my hats are the following:
And I am sure that this list is not exhaustive.
Recently we had a bereavement and during the final week of our loved one’s illness I was so intrinsically aware of which hat I was wearing at each given moment in time.
From the time I took phone calls as Daughter-in-Law, to waking Hubs after his night shift and driving him to the hospice as Wife, speaking with the Twins as Mother, crying to my parents as Daughter, venting to my best friend as Friend, hugging members of the family as Sister-in-Law, Niece.
And through all of this most raw and recent of experience, I realised that there is a hat which hasn’t surfaced in a while. It’s been buried at the bottom of the hat box; dropped down the back of the sofa; forgotten about and left in the boot of the car; left on a park bench somewhere waiting for the right breeze to gently blow it back to me once more.
Which hat is this? The one labelled Me. The one where I can for a few moments amalgamate all other hats into the same. The one where I can take comfort and peace of mind in knowing what I like to do, for me. This hat is the sunroof of my soul. Once I have it on I can open up that sunroof and breathe in the air of what makes me, me.
My love of dance and the primitive beat of the music, my dreamer qualities, my desire to create art, to write, to paint. And yet at times, my need for stillness and mindfulness; to indulge in some self Reiki; to live in that very moment and soak up all it has to offer. To watch that cloud slowly travel the sky or wait for the Robin to come back to my garden fence. He always does. And to sit there and wait for him is a blessing. To watch that old lady cross the road whilst I sit at the traffic lights and wonder what is her history? Was she a spy in the War? Was she an international journalist writing articles on iconic Hollywood screen legends or was she a Mother to 5 children who has felt that unconditional love and nursed each of her babies through illness?
I don’t get to wear my Me hat much but when I do it sure feels good. I don’t feel selfish when I do wear it. I feel honoured. I feel that I am the luckiest person to have this abundance of different interests to fulfil me.
If you were to ask me which is my favourite hat then it would be impossible for me to pick one but my top choices would be Mother, Wife, Daughter and Friend.
Whilst I relish my Me hat, I also genuinely feel equally happy when they are all teetering away up there, jostling for position!
I feel it is vitally important to acknowledge all my different guises but equally so it is important to locate that missing one when you can and tell yourself this is me and I like being me.
Maybe by taking a step back from your busy lives and taking stock of your hats you may notice that you too have a hat that has been missing for a time. And you may like to try to relocate that hat and reunite it with it’s owner.
Which hats have you worn today?
The Aloha Mummy 🌺