Don’t drink and babyproof.

Let this serve as a message of both the evils of alcohol and the expectations of babyproofing late at night.

We’re at that stage again, 10 years after initially living through it with Twins, where Bubs is now a) mobile b) curious and c) a bit of a tinker!

We have different furniture now and as a result all of our original babyproofing mechanisms are either not functional or lost.

It’s taken me longer than it should have to research, compare and order what I though we would need and even then, to actually get around to fixing it all up has taken longer than I anticipated.

It all culminated in, one night, a sudden urge to ‘proof’. This was instantly flawed as the first item I had,  a flexible sticky pad device suitable for cupboard doors, appliance doors and even toilet lid stated in the instructions to remove the back of the adhesive pad and leave for 24 hrs to obtain ‘maximum sticking power’.

Hmmmm. I’d hope just to peel, stick and go. Bob’s your Uncle, Fanny’s your Aunt and Wendy’s your long-lost sister!

But no. That wasn’t going to happen. I obediently peeled of the backing and left for the recommended 24 hrs. Only problem was that 24hrs on happened to be a Friday night. Wine was opened. Wine was drunk. Wine was taking effect.

It was about 11pm when I noticed on the dining table two exposed sticky pads. Now, sober me would have tested the stickiness and carefully aligned the pad and consequently release mechanisms, to the perfect setting, providing easy access for all those with dexterous finger coordination and knowledge whilst at the same time preventing entry from curious fingers and clumsy hands.

I took the pads, stuck them on, gave an extra push for luck and went to bed.

Next morning came the cry of ‘Mum, what’s this on the cupboard? We can’t get to the Wii! ‘ (yes, we still play on a Wii!)

‘Just squeeze the top and bottom buttons and the latch will spring off!’ I replied in my mission accomplished, carefree, hey-ho voice!

‘It’s not working!’

Right! I’ll show them!

Oh. Hang on. It would appear that I had positioned the releasing mechanism directly behind the cupboard handle and there was no not enough space for the full release and removal of the latch part.

Thinking quickly here I opted for the Oh it’s OK we can go in from the other side – routine.

Only, um, no. We couldn’t do that either.

It would appear that on the inside of the cupboard I had stuck the babyproofer way too high and now it was impossible to get anyone’s fingers, even those of a slender 11 year old, on the top release button as there was no space between it and the roof of the cupboard.

To top it all off it wasn’t even fekkin straight!! Now that’s not me at all! Things are always aligned, neat, tidy, just so. But this was an abomination! An insult to my perfectionist nature; and by gum that adhesive had stuck well!! That whole ‘leave it exposed for 24hrs’ instruction had clearly been correct despite my arguments against it saying how I had expected it to just have to ‘dried up’ left uncovered.

(Either that or it was just sticking even more firmly to spite me. The little bugger.)

No words were exchanged.

Just a look.

From Twin 1 to me. And then from Twin 1 to Twin 2. Then from Twin 2 back to me.

How could this have gone so utterly wrong I asked myself!  And then I realised the error of my ways.

1. I had drunk 2 glasses of wine.

2. I am a total lightweight.

3. I couldn’t do the proofing in the night I had planned.

4. The proofing exercise had fallen on a Friday due to point 3, and that Friday had unintentionally turned into a Fizz Friday.

4. I had become tired due to my alcohol consumption and just ‘bunged it on’ by only the light of a lamp, on my weary way to bed.

5. I had held little faith in the sticky pads and fully expected them to drop-off over night only to be found the next morning with the sticky pads rendered useless due to the attractions of carpet fluff and passing cat fur.

Luckily, I do have a fail safe ‘tool’ which surprisingly solves a multitude of differing household problems. (You should so get these, they come in pairs and everything!)

The tool I refer to is the humble stick of chops; a chopstick! This baby has unblocked sinks, retrieved keys, finished off spiders in hard to reach places, to name but a few uses, and now it had another skill to add to it’s CV; ‘Outwitter of babyproofing buttons!’.

By sliding the chopstick in above the top release button and under the cupboard roof, thin end first, I was able to slide the rest of it through the small gap and as the chopstick became wider it pressed the release button down. By using my own finger to simultaneously release the underneath button the whole catch fell away with ease and the cupboard could be opened.

Step 1 –

Step 2-

Step 3 –

Taadaaa! I took a bow watched on by two rather unimpressed faces!

So there my friends endeth the lesson! Thought shalt not drink and babyproof! Unless of course you want a wonky, bodged babyproof/childproof/adultproof lock that one can open, or you have a cupboard that you REALLY don’t want get into. Ever again!

The Aloha Mummy 🌺

The Choreography of Birth

My need to plan and organise has been with me from a very young age. Always keen to be super efficient and know where I’m heading, I find that list making has been my friend. A good friend. One which I can rely on to pat me on the back when I have crossed a lot of jobs off but also one who crosses it’s arms , tilts it’s head to one side and raises it’s eyebrows when I have not ticked off quite as many jobs as would be acceptable!

I always like to start each of my lists with the following…

‘Write a list’

That way I can instantly cross something off of the list once it has been written! It’s a sense of achievement (albeit a blatant cheat!) that gives me that positive air and means that, even if I fail to complete another item on the list, I have in fact done one thing from it!

I am the same with my choreography and my music choices at work – movement has to fit the music perfectly, the music has to be the right piece, timing is everything and atmosphere created by the piece is hugely important.

So, when we were preparing for the birth of Bubs I wanted to have a CD to take into the operating theatre with me as we knew from early on that we would have to have a c-section.

It was the same with the boys although not so long in the planning as their c-section was only decided quite close to their actual arrival.

Now, you may notice that I have said CD – yes, I am that old fashioned, no I don’t have an iphone, and I’m pretty sure that our Ipod is way out of technological date! With the Twins birth it was straight forward…

Choose songs

Download or ‘rip’ a cd onto the computer

Create a playlist

Burn onto a cd.

But at a visit with the Consultant where we asked him if we could have a birth cd with us for Bubs’ birth….he looked shocked, was taken aback , was almost agog at our cd retro-ness. ‘Oh, well, I’m not sure if we even HAVE a cd player in there these days! You can always sync it or Bluetooth it from your iphone though, just create your playlist and it will be fine.’

Right. So now what. Hubs is working, I’m at home on long term sick leave and really rather inept at anything to do with the iTunes store on the computer. Plus, I like lots of songs. Lots and lots…………and lots.

This was going to be a mission!

I actually started out quite well, figuring out how to add existing songs to a new playlist and even purchase songs that we had not already ripped to the computer. But as this progressed so the playlist grew and grew. If I had been having twins again the duration of this playlist might be fine but as we were having just the one there needed to be some editing!

I spoke with the Midwife and from my previous experience with the Twins, managed to get a fairly accurate rough timeframe. There was a song that if possible I would dearly have loved Bubs to be born to.  Crikey, the dance teacher part of me is taking hold and I’m actually choreographing the birth!!!

After several weeks of analysing my playlist, making sure I had songs on there that I loved and Hubs loved, and checking to see if they flowed well into one another, we had our music. Hubs did ‘something’ so that the playlist was on his ipod (and I burned a cd as well just to be sure!).

On the day of Bubs’ birth we double checked with the consultant about having our music and he was more than happy…the anaesthetist on the other hand seemed a little dubious – he was normally the one to choose music if there was no birth music brought in by the parents to be, and from what we could make out it was all rather dramatic, some babies being born right on the crescendo of Zadoc the Priest!

Once wheeled into the operating theatre and the whole procedure began, our music was gently playing away in the background. It helped calm me instantly and there were some very pleased faces and comments from the members of the birthing team in the room with us! Comments like ‘It makes a nice change to have some different music playing.’ ‘Oh haven’t you chosen lovely songs!’ ‘I love this song!’

The timing of my ‘choreography’ was a little off and so Bubs was not lifted from my tummy during the song I had earmarked (Twinkle Twinkle into Mr Blue Sky – for the lyrics of ‘How I wonder what you are’ and ‘Welcome to the human race’!) but, and how strange is this, she was in fact lifted out during the same some as the Twins! They had been born only a minute apart and so shared their song; but now Bubs was part of it too! She was born at the very end of the Sweet Child of Mine and into Times Like These!!

Most importantly I feel, was that by taking in our own choice of music we were able to focus on something positive when we were actually feeling really rather scared and apprehensive about the whole procedure of a c-section. It just helped us to relax and to have something familiar in this clinical, environment.

If you are debating whether or not to create your own birthing playlist to take with you be it for a c-section, water birth or vaginal delivery I would strongly urge you to go for it. You may need a long play list if you are going through the full throws of labour and birth or you may need one which just lasts an hour if you know you are to have a c-section. Either way it allows you to bring a little part of you, your personality, and your tranquillity with you into a place that may feel daunting and at times scary. Your tunes are personal to you but I’m happy to share our playlist for Bubs.

Here goes…

At the River – Groove Armada

Carnival of the Animals Aquarium – Saint Saens

Bring Me Sunshine – Morecombe and Wise

Our House – Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young

Everlong – Foo Fighters

Somewhere over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World – Israel Kamakawiwo’ole

When You Upon a Star – Cliff Edwards

White Sandy Beach of Hawaii – Israel Kamakawiwo’ole

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star – Israel Kamakawiwo’ole

Mr Blue Sky – Electric Light Orchestra

Sweet Child of Mine – Guns & Roses

Times Like These – Foo Fighters

Where Will The Dimple Be – Alma Cogan

Constellations – Jack Johnson

From Here to the Moon and Back – Dolly Parton, Kris Kristofferson, Jeremy Jordan

Lady of the Sea – Seth Lakeman

Better Together – Jack Johnson

Mr Sandman – The Bert Kaempfert Orchestra

One Day Like This – Elbow

Dancing in the Moonlight – Toploader

Banana Pancakes – Jack Johnson

And there we have it!!

What are your birth cd choices?! What have your little ones been welcomed into the world listening to?!

The Aloha Mummy 🌺

When your life becomes a gif!!!

Over our first Christmas and New Year as a family of 5 I have had the highs and the lows of trying to organise. A.Lot of stuff, keep everybody happy, make sure we see as many family members as possible and still have that time to hunker down in pj’s in front of the fire whilst munching on cheese footballs, chocolate covered Brazil nuts and mince pies.

With Hubs working Christmas Day day and a Boxing Day night shift all of the above has been full on! Oh yeah, and we also needed to find time for the 5 of us to have our own crimbo celebrations!

As a huge lover of I love Lucy I feel that the following can quite simply and effectively illustrate me this festive season just passed.

When the realisation of Christmas shopping hit home…

But then I remembered (blame the baby brain folks!) that I had in fact already bought most of the gifts in the January Sales, online as I was housebound with the pregnancy…#smug

Whilst wrapping gifts in a super organised manner..

Watching Hubs/kids wrap their gifts…..

When I remembered a gift I had forgotten to wrap and that it was still stashed in the attic!

.

The debacle with the gingerbread house template. The roof was far too small. Yes I measured correctly. No it wasn’t my fault. Yes the template was wrong!

The moment when we substituted the crap template roof for giant slabs of chocolate (which actually looked much more like tiles and looked great once the icing sugar snow was dusted!)

And what I did to the original WRONG SIZED template…

That moment when you open a gift that you bought for yourself to be from someone else to you – utter surprise…believable? Much?!

Singing at the kids school Carol Concert…in Church…without a song sheet…but vaguely remembering the songs from when I was at Primary School…playing Angel Gabriel!!

The obligatory game of Charades after dinner…I do get into the spirit of things!

One glass of Prosecco …yes…ultimate lightweight! I just don’t have the time to drink these days!  Or the money!

 

I think I looked remarkabley like this as I went through the tub of Celebrations and ‘bagsied’ all the Malteser sweets…then stashed them in a very high up cupboard that the Twins can’t reach!

When Hubs asked for a Christmas card to write for work colleagues after I had already finished with cards put them back in the attic and was asked to go and fetch them again!

Helping out Santa by having a little nibble of the (somewhat dry) Mince Pie…good job there was a snifter of brandy to wash it down!

Oh yeah, the dubious drunken lighting of the Christmas Pud…thank God shell suits are no longer a thing! They’re not are they? Please no!

Ah, when Hubs had finally finished his Christmas shift pattern and we could snuggle and watch Morecombe and Wise, wear our new fluffy socks and be amazed that all the kids were actually asleep at the same time…at night! Woohoo!

New Years Eve! HootENANY!!!

Waiting for the delivery of this years January Sales bargains for Christmas 2017…if I smoked….which I don’t!

Certainly felt this way after a whole box of Just Brazils!

Trying on all the clothes I got for Crimbo…at the same time! Surely I’m not the only one who does this?!

And this! This is precisely how my brain functioned on my first Keeping in Touch day on Jan 3rd….JAN 3RD!!! Eeeeshk!

And there we have it folks! My Crimbo and New Year in a rather Lucy shaped nutshell!

How was yours? Who is your gif alter ego?!!

The Aloha Mummy 🌺

P.S this is how the gingerbread house ended up!

I am not claiming any of these gifs as my own, all credits have been left on the downloaded images.

The legend of the Meerkat Women.

So, since becoming a parent, there have been all but say 3 times where I have ventured into the grown up area of a swimming pool complex to check out the extra heated facilities…namely the hot tub!!

I have been content with being clung to by Twin toddlers; gripped by their nails so tightly that the marks have still been there a week later.

I have been left for minutes at a time by confident little boys, happily pootling about on their own, whilst still under the constant. watchful. intent. gaze of their Mother.

I have been abandoned by racing young boys, diving like dolphins, practising handstands and collecting sinking swim toys from the bottom of the pool (whilst under the constant. watchful. intent. gaze of their Mother!) and now with a 7 month old baby I am back to the toddler pools which is great! I do indeed love it. No big splashy people, just the occasional panicked look from a Dad who has taken his teeny child out for a swim and has realised that he forgot to put the swim nappy on…we’ve all been there!

We recently had a little break away to the ‘Parc of Centres’ located next door to a huge animal wildlife park (Lions, Tigers, Rhinos…all the usual creatures you’d expect to find close by to a tree filled family activity park!). The pool here is great, huge, many different areas. We (rather luxuriously) hired one of their ‘Cabana’s’ (I know Mr Manilow was singing that song over and over in my mind every time I said the word …he’s right back there now all over again actually!).

The Cabana (Aloha Mummy pictures herself in a pink sequined bikini, tan fishnets, new Yorker shoes and giant pink feathers pluming in an arch behind her back!) is a little bamboo type hut located around the edge of the pool area which comes complete with a large TV, reclining chairs, safe, fridge and drinks (included in the hire price) and towels. We were even able to get a playpen too. Soooo good! It meant that we had a base which the Twins could come back to after a swim, slide etc , that Bubs had somewhere she could snooze (this also worked VERY well for the Grandparents too!) and actually somewhere we could change if we didn’t feel we could face the ultimate confusion which is the changing rooms there (that’s another post altogether!)

Back to the pool. With the bonus of having the Cabana (Aloha Mummy does a little shimmy across the dance floor in her head!) I was able to leave snoozing Bubs with the Aloha GrandP’s and head off with the Twins for an explore. After telling me that we were going on the Rapids (joy! thank GOD I was wearing my dignity maintaing surf leggings – I will never be without these, they are the purchase of the century for me!) I thought Ok, I can handle this! Twin 2 told me with utmost seriousness that you have to go over the levels head first. (Little …..blighter!)

First hurdle dealt with I emerged in much colder water than I had started, had no idea which way I was meant to be facing, didn’t have a clue if my contact lenses were in fact still in contact with my eyeballs, and was being swept backward by a current.

The Twins were in hysterics! As I regained my composure and managed to see out of one of my eyes, other people around me were in fact ‘hurdling’ the ledges , sitting on their behinds and sliding down in as sedate a manner as the rapid gush of water would allow. They would then plop down into the next mini pool before getting back to their feet or expertly floating along on top of the current and the water. Hmmmmm.  I looked at my Twins, who both by now looked like little Imps with cheeky smiles…nay…grins. ‘You told me you had to go head first!’ Laugh, chortle, snort, giggle, chuckle!!! Got me!

We completed the remainder of the Rapids with us all employing the hurdling technique (and me not being afraid that the Life Guard would tell me off for not going over them head first) and made our way back round to the warm outdoor pool and the hot tub pool.

This was more like it! The only problem was that I knew I would at some point have to vacate the hot water and feel ultimate freeze from any pool water I then chose to swim in. Nevermind, this was just sooooo waaaaarm! I sat there, steaming away with Twin 1 and Twin 2. As we were about to move on we were squished back into our seat on the wall by an influx of a group of about 8 young 20 something males and females.

Males – highly toned, Japanese style tattoos adorning their buff shoulders and biceps, manicured beards in place and trendy man buns atop heads.

Females – well at first I was highly concerned. They all looked like they were struggling to swim (and they were in still water nowhere near the Rapids). There they were, heads bobbing above the water, necks stretched as far as humanly possible, wide eyes moving from side to side but very little head turning actions and their little hands doggy paddle flapping away just under the water making minimal splashage.

I wondered what on earth could be happening – was this a new swimming stroke invented since my days of swimming lessons of butterfly, breaststroke and all that? Were they so slight (I mean there was not a wibble or wobble or teensy bobbly pobble on any of them – and you could clearly see that by the lack of swimming clothing. Bikini, we are talking bikini.) that there was a risk of being swept away by a slightly large man wading past them?

I sat back and observed. And then it hit me. Make Up!  These women were in full make up, as much as I would have worn on stage for a dance performance! Full face of foundation, concealer, blusher, contouring on point, bronzer, false eyelashes flapping about in the breeze, mascara, winged eyeliner and eyebrows that were totes on fleek (I know…get me and my down with the kids lingo!) – the whole shebang!! They were flapping about (albeit gently) with the little hands close to their chests and their heads balanced on top of their long necks looking just like meerkats on the look out.

I cannot begin to tell you how tempted I was to do a Miranda-esque ‘fall’ creating a big wave that would engulf them. But I didn’t. I am not that cruel. But in my mind…Oh in my mind it was hilarious!

Just then I realised that something else in the pool wasn’t quite right. I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was one of those moments where you can sense something but you haven’t fully noticed it …yet. As I scanned the hot tub edge dwellers the light bulb went on. Ah, eyebrows! So many of the women around the edge had big, dark, drawn on eyebrows! And once it was noticed it became so surreal! Like a secret club! By that point I felt it was time to move on.

And so I took my slightly cuddlier than it used to be body, wrapped up in its dignified surf leggings and loose fitting tankini top, I took my own eyebrows which my body had conveniently grown for me, on my steam treated face and walked confidently past these women. These women who when they stood up crossed their arms to cover their belly (if you’re uncomfortable wear something different), these women who must be wearing make endorsed by the Olympic synchronised swimming teams that did not run, melt or smudge in these watery, steamy conditions. These women who did not feel confident to visit the swimming pool with their friends/lovers and go make up free. These women who feel that they have to maintain perfection no matter what.

As I walked past them I felt  a huge wave of happiness; of contentment. I have embraced my body post children. I dress how I want to, in a way that makes me feel comfortable. I am happy to go make up free. I am happy to make a complete, COMPLETE arse out of myself! This is what my children will remember when they are older. These precious memories of quality time we shared. I am so glad that I am who I am and the way I am. What a boring life the kids would have if I could never splash for fear of messing up my hair or makeup or heaven forbid, have a moment of madness!!

The Aloha Mummy

P.S. I cannot stress how practical and brilliant these surf leggings are! When bending down with Bubs in the toddler pool there is no worry about losing anything between your cheeks, when sitting down cross legged there is no fear of any sneaky hairs peeping out the gusset and therefore no need to retrieve or rearrange any part of the swimwear or your anatomy! Ladies…they are the way forward!

 

 

Bubs and the Buggy; Out running the DPD Man.

Picture the scene; a day thick with mizzle, (Devonshire language for Mist and Drizzle!) but the temperature soaring it had to have been at least 22 degrees.

I had to take the Twins to a friend’s birthday party so I popped Bubs into the OutnAbout buggy.  It was our first official use it and the first time I had used a forward facing buggy with Bubs. I decided today was the day for several reasons:

1.       The Twins would be able to walk side by side of the buggy and entertain Bubs on our walk to the party.

2.        We had to negotiate a few pavement-less village roads on the way to Birthday Child’s house and this buggy was slightly more slim line than our Cosatto.

3.       I needed to make myself use it! It lives in the garage so a little bit more of a FAF to get it out and set up.

4.       I hadn’t gone for a run or even a walk yet that week due to Hubs’ shifts and school holidays (although I had still been doing my 30 day Squat Challenge and my weights at home) so needed to get out for some air and a bit of exercise.

 

So I retrieved the Running Buggy also affectionately known as ‘Roger’ (as in Roger Black – he was a runner; the buggy is for running and his surname is Black; the buggy is black!) from the cobwebby garage, dug out the rain cover, steered it round the side of the house and parked it up outside the front door, ready to receive Bubs.

The Twins were loaded with backpacks containing rash vests, swimming trunks and wet suits plus the obligatory gift for Birthday Child, as they were off to a local waterpark for the afternoon (great weather for the supervisory parent of Birthday Child who was not intending to participate in said watery craziness but instead sit with a coffee and read her book!) and so we set off clad in our kagoules (I do find that word amusing!)….kagooooules……kagooooooooules! Sorry!

I had thought that I would use my Run Keeper app to track my little walk as I had been using it for all my Running so far and find it really simple to use and easy to understand.  Although I need to change to time setting on my phone because by the time I’ve switched it on, paused it, then battled to get the darn thang in my nifty (Phah!) running-gadget-arm-pouch-holder-thingy, it has switched itself off and I have to battle to get it out and switched back on again ready to hit proceed as I set out the door! – Just me?! (Any top tips on addressing my dumassness with this would be gratefully received!) Maybe these apps could give you a pre-activity grace period or a countdown, to allow you to get it set up, enclose it in nifty arm wear, plug in your earphones, get out the door, hoik up your leggings and head off….just a thought!

So anyway today I just shoved it in my kagooooooooooooule pocket. I was only walking anyway. Right?! Wrong?!!!

I walked successfully to Birthday Child’s house with the Twins, had a quick chat with Birthday Child’s Mum and then headed off. But…I couldn’t walk. It was as though the ‘Roger’ wanted me to run! And cripes, it seemed easy! SO much easier than running solo! I felt that it helped my posture, keeping me more upright (although my running technique was totally thrown and I kept thinking my legs were going completely bandy!) A bit like Phoebe running in that episode of Friends …but pushing a buggy at the same time. Hmmm.

The drop off at Birthday Child’s house was for 11:30am. Now. I’d had a DPD text informing me that my delivery would be between 12:14 and 13:14 by delivery driver Simon, earlier in the morning. ‘No probs’ I had thought I’m not doing anything today…but then the ‘Roger’ tricked me into physical activity.

It was at the furthest point from my house that DPD van showed up. The opposite side of the village. Ahhh! I checked the time only 11:45am – I had time to finish my usual running route and get back provided he wasn’t early. I slowed up as he drove past, toying with the idea of asking him if he was indeed Simon and if he had a delivery for me. But I didn’t. The race was on! (Jeez why am I so competitive?!)

We had stopped off at the tennis courts to check out the resurfacing situation and at this point I removed the kagooooooooooooooooule! I had not thought this through; I was only meant to be walking. Yes I had sportswear on but I had not bothered with nifty-arm-gadget-thingy. The only place to keep the phone so that it would chart my activity and progress was ….in the sports bra. Now I normally use one of the Twins old socks to house my IPod when exercising to prevent it drowning in sweat and potentially electrocuting me. Clearly now I did not have said sock with me. No other option than to hope for the best…does the pot of rice work to draw out sweat from a phone in the same way it does for water….lets hope I don’t have to find out!

In went the phone, I released ‘Roger’s’ brake and we were off. We were flying! Bubs was loving it squealing at top lung and ear drum bursting level! There he was again…DPD! Too far off for me to flag him down, and by now heading in the general direction of my house. Time check 12:05. I could do this. #This Girl Can!

We turned off the top village road and headed through the houses down towards the middle road and main drag through the village. If I turned left here I would be home in 5 mins. But. It was not my usual running route …and I still had time…if I didn’t waste it! (A competitive streak combined with OCD – great going you Aloha Loony!)

And so we crossed the main road to another housing area adding about 3 mins onto that initial 5. By now I felt sure I had achieved full beetroot face appearance, the sweat was dripping off me and I had no sweat band with which to mop my glowing brow.

Another glimpse of DPD as he drove increasingly close to my road.

An Andy Murray-esque ‘C’mon’ echoed in my head!

Bubs had dozed off; so smooth was my running-and-buggying-simultaneously technique, clearly! We rounded the back lane, dodged the horse poo, over took the milk float (yes we live in a village in Devon and we still have a milk float!) and skilfully skirted round the old duffer trying to reverse into their driveway.

Back on the main road. The next right was mine and DPD was nowhere to be seen. I had done it! I had out run the DPD Delivery Van!

We raced for that virtual finishing line in full Usain Bolt confidence. Me and my little baby and our running buggy ‘Roger’, complete with wrist leash like a tiny baby buggy surf board; so that if the mad mother running (some crazy race like with an oblivious DPD van), should trip then the buggy would not go rolling off alone like a sketch from Last of the Summer Wine and a steep village hill!

Victory was ours! No sign of DPD! I even had time to park the ‘Roger’ out the back, lift up the rain cover…only to be overpowered by the commonly known U.T.B smell of a sleeping baby. Yes folks the Up The Backer. You all know what I’m on about!

• Dilemma, do I wake the sleeping baby to change the nappy…Sods Law dictates that then DPD will arrive and all my smugness will be for nothing.
• Dilemma, do I leave sleeping baby in the buggy when DPD rings the doorbell thus avoiding a blatant door opening on a korma colour stained back of a baby grow. Hmm don’t feel comfortable leaving Bubs outside on her own albeit for a gnat’s blink of time…Sods Law dictates she would wake, total disorientation would set in, the cry would erupt and all my smugness would be for nothing.
• Dilemma, do I lift sleeping baby from the buggy when DPD rings the doorbell presenting myself with an air of calm, super fit mother, who can handle a U.T.B…Sods Law dictates that said U.T.B would by now be leaking and running all over my arm and all my smugness would be for nothing.

‘Ding’ (the dong is broken on our bell). Just as I had lifted a rousing Bubs from the buggy, back checked, no sign of the U.T.B. Safe!

I carry Bubs, snuggled into my shoulder and nuzzling my neck, to the door, calm, confident (and a little bit smug).

‘Cor you got back ere fast!’ Came the comment from DPD Simon. ‘Oi see’d you runnin on the ovvur side of th village!’

Parcel exchanged, signature given, Bubs not crying, poop not escaping, run completed, dignity intact, beetroot face slightly lightened, smugness totally intact!

*fist pumps the air – but carefully so as not to startle or indeed drop Bubs! Nailed it! (Today at least!)

Until I turn around to see Cat yak up on the kitchen floor…well, you can’t win them all!

 The Aloha Mummy.

Naptime Natter

SPD – 2 pregnancies on crutches.

 

Having now had they joy of being pregnant twice I can, hand on heart say that I love being pregnant. However, both pregnancies- first with the Twins and most recently Bubs-  have ended up with me being on crutches. With Bubs it was so much worse and I literally could not leave the house for the final few months.

I had a condition called Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) or otherwise called Pelvic Girdle Pain in Pregnancy (PGPP). This is basically where the muscles and ligament inbetween the pelvic joint become very relaxed and unstable, resulting in horrendous pain. The only way I can describe it is this (it’s not pretty I warn you…) imagine your lady parts as an oyster shell or muscle shell, being forced apart, unwillingly. And at the same time having something blunt jab right up inside you.

I first noticed it with the Twin pregnancy when I was about 4 months and moving house. I pushed a box full of belongings with the inside edge of my foot and literally couldn’t breathe or move, the pain was excrutiating. It gradually worsened and so I made an appointment with the Midwife and the Dr. They both confirmed SPD and got me on the list to receive some physio at the local hospital. Here they gave me a support band to wear around my hips in an attempt to stabalise the joint and also treated me with accupunture. As the Twin bump got heavier, walking was becoming a real issue and by 7 months I was given crutches. There were concerns that if I gave birth ‘naturally’ I may damage this joint beyond repair and worse case scenario was that I could need a wheel chair. This was such a worrying time not only for my babies and my body but mentally and emotionally for me, particularly as my job was so physical – leacturing in dance and performing arts.

We met with many consultants at the hospital and even though the physio’s were insistent that I should have a C-section the Consultants still weren’t convinced. One even said to me and Hubs, that they could deliver one ‘naturally’ and then the other one by C-section (as he was breach at that moment in time). Once again….filled with dread. This was not the birth I had planned – I’d intended a drug free as far as possible birth. Eventually they agreed that a C-section was in order and the Twins were born at 37 weeks. We needed 5 days in SCBU but the day after their birth the SPD was gone. No pain whatsoever, no need for support bands or crutches! Incredible!

So this time round naturally I was concerned about the condition returning. And by just 3 months in it was bad. So much so that I was signed off work and on crutches immediately. Knowing that this was going to be for the long term Hubs purchased some hockey stick padded grip and I ‘pimped my crutches’! – oh yes, that’s a thing!

I still had the support band and had been using that since 2 months. The conclusion that I was given by the many medical people I saw was that it was likely to get worse given my previous history; a combination of having loose flexible muscles and ligaments in general anyway (useful as a dancer but not as an expectant mother it would seem!), the pregnancy hormone Relaxin, plus having suffered with the condition before and the fact that now my body was 10 years older. I ended up being signed off work right up to when my maternity leave began. Not what I had planned…again. The ideal situation was to work up to the Easter Holidays, not October Half term! Bubs was born at the start of April…that’s a long time to be off work! With the Twins I had worked up to the end of the Christmas Term and they were born at the end of January. I had managed to still drive and teach that time round but this time things escalated incredibly quickly and extremely painfully. By Christmas I had stopped driving due to the discomfort but also the worry of should I need to perform an emergency stop the damage I could do to the joint by the sudden movement.

At first being home, not feeling ‘ill’ felt very odd. I’m the type of person who can only be off work when there’s something drastically wrong. Looking back now I can appreciate that actually, yes, it was best to be a home pottering around but at the time it felt so wrong. I enjoyed a few school runs but instead if the 5 minute walk each way they should have been, it was turning into a 20 minute each way battle. Over the months I got slower and slower and the pain got worse and worse. At the very final stages even just tackling the stairs took an age. One stair at a time, mostly on my backside using my arms to heave up myself up or gingerly let myself down. I tried so hard to stay mobile even if it was just to walk to the post office or get the Twins form school – all aided by the crutches of course- but by February it was just not possible. Advice, once again, from the Physio was to not let my knees drop beyond parallel, meaning that they had to be hip width apart at all times.  Any movement even slightly beyond this range caused huge agony. The pain, the fatigue all took its toll on me and I resigned myself to the fact that I would be doing very little in the way of moving and housework. I couldn’t push the vacuum – it caused the pain to spike. I couldn’t lift anything, couldn’t bend to reach things on the floor and couldn’t even lift the kettle and hold it under the tap to fill it up, the stress and discomfort once my core muscles had weakened meant that there was even less stability at this point. I had my little jug which I could fill 3 times in a row and that would fill the kettle!  Needless to say that with not moving and growing a baby I put on some additional pregnancy weight!!

On occasions when I needed to get out and go anywhere we had carrier bags on the car seat to enable a nifty ‘swivvel’ action to get my legs in or out of the car! Visits to the midwife and getting onto and off of the couch involved lots of rolling onto the side, walking my hands towards my hip to sit me up and then having a great deal of support from Hubs or Midwife to get me down to the floor.

By Christmas with my Bubs pregnancy the physio was of no further benefit. If he treated the back it aggravated the front and vice versa. The acupuncture seemed to help for a day on some occasions bit on others created an even worse pain. I invested in a heat pad which helped a smidge and was prescribed codeine; something I was loathed to take and as such only took one when I was in tears of agony. I was very aware that the baby could become dependent on it if I took it regularly and if this happened then I would have to stop taking it 2 weeks before the due date. But I worried. What if things started happening before I’d come off the codeine?  So I took it on an as needed basis.

A C-section had been the plan from the get-go with pregnancy number 2 and so I felt calm, having experienced this procedure before. I planned out our birthing music (quite a collection but that’s for another post!) almost down to the exact time that Bubs would emerge (it’s the dance teacher element…even choreographing a baby’s birth!) We were booked in for 39 weeks and actually for the week prior to that I had been experiencing some Braxton Hicks and then from the afternoon before our birth-day I had been having contractions.  This was a whole new experience for me having not felt this with the Twins! When the surgeon actually opened up my tummy to deliver Bubs he commented on how engaged the head was!  When we’d arrived at the hospital that morning at 7am the contractions were about 20 mins apart!!  EEEESHK!!

Codeine free and a healthy baby born the delivery had gone well. We stayed one night in Hospital and then came home the next day. I needed my crutches for that second day but then as if by new motherhood magic…the SPD thankfully, so amazingly thankfully (just as it did with the Twins) disappeared soon after the birth. The worry of permanent damage and possibly even the need for a wheelchair was over. I could walk! Unaided! The pain and discomfort of the C-section recovery was nothing compared to the SPD pain. As a very active person the prospect of not fully recovering had been very scary – what if I could never run and play with my children again, what if I couldn’t teach dance again, what if I became this enormous burden on my family? Now though I need not worry. I still feel the odd twinge and that’s ok, it just reminds me to slow down and take things easier. Recently joining the gym and starting my own fitness recovery programme I am very aware of my limitations and am more than happy to reach my fitness goals sensibly and in the right amount of time.

The Aloha Mummy