Don’t drink and babyproof.

Let this serve as a message of both the evils of alcohol and the expectations of babyproofing late at night.

We’re at that stage again, 10 years after initially living through it with Twins, where Bubs is now a) mobile b) curious and c) a bit of a tinker!

We have different furniture now and as a result all of our original babyproofing mechanisms are either not functional or lost.

It’s taken me longer than it should have to research, compare and order what I though we would need and even then, to actually get around to fixing it all up has taken longer than I anticipated.

It all culminated in, one night, a sudden urge to ‘proof’. This was instantly flawed as the first item I had,  a flexible sticky pad device suitable for cupboard doors, appliance doors and even toilet lid stated in the instructions to remove the back of the adhesive pad and leave for 24 hrs to obtain ‘maximum sticking power’.

Hmmmm. I’d hope just to peel, stick and go. Bob’s your Uncle, Fanny’s your Aunt and Wendy’s your long-lost sister!

But no. That wasn’t going to happen. I obediently peeled of the backing and left for the recommended 24 hrs. Only problem was that 24hrs on happened to be a Friday night. Wine was opened. Wine was drunk. Wine was taking effect.

It was about 11pm when I noticed on the dining table two exposed sticky pads. Now, sober me would have tested the stickiness and carefully aligned the pad and consequently release mechanisms, to the perfect setting, providing easy access for all those with dexterous finger coordination and knowledge whilst at the same time preventing entry from curious fingers and clumsy hands.

I took the pads, stuck them on, gave an extra push for luck and went to bed.

Next morning came the cry of ‘Mum, what’s this on the cupboard? We can’t get to the Wii! ‘ (yes, we still play on a Wii!)

‘Just squeeze the top and bottom buttons and the latch will spring off!’ I replied in my mission accomplished, carefree, hey-ho voice!

‘It’s not working!’

Right! I’ll show them!

Oh. Hang on. It would appear that I had positioned the releasing mechanism directly behind the cupboard handle and there was no not enough space for the full release and removal of the latch part.

Thinking quickly here I opted for the Oh it’s OK we can go in from the other side – routine.

Only, um, no. We couldn’t do that either.

It would appear that on the inside of the cupboard I had stuck the babyproofer way too high and now it was impossible to get anyone’s fingers, even those of a slender 11 year old, on the top release button as there was no space between it and the roof of the cupboard.

To top it all off it wasn’t even fekkin straight!! Now that’s not me at all! Things are always aligned, neat, tidy, just so. But this was an abomination! An insult to my perfectionist nature; and by gum that adhesive had stuck well!! That whole ‘leave it exposed for 24hrs’ instruction had clearly been correct despite my arguments against it saying how I had expected it to just have to ‘dried up’ left uncovered.

(Either that or it was just sticking even more firmly to spite me. The little bugger.)

No words were exchanged.

Just a look.

From Twin 1 to me. And then from Twin 1 to Twin 2. Then from Twin 2 back to me.

How could this have gone so utterly wrong I asked myself!  And then I realised the error of my ways.

1. I had drunk 2 glasses of wine.

2. I am a total lightweight.

3. I couldn’t do the proofing in the night I had planned.

4. The proofing exercise had fallen on a Friday due to point 3, and that Friday had unintentionally turned into a Fizz Friday.

4. I had become tired due to my alcohol consumption and just ‘bunged it on’ by only the light of a lamp, on my weary way to bed.

5. I had held little faith in the sticky pads and fully expected them to drop-off over night only to be found the next morning with the sticky pads rendered useless due to the attractions of carpet fluff and passing cat fur.

Luckily, I do have a fail safe ‘tool’ which surprisingly solves a multitude of differing household problems. (You should so get these, they come in pairs and everything!)

The tool I refer to is the humble stick of chops; a chopstick! This baby has unblocked sinks, retrieved keys, finished off spiders in hard to reach places, to name but a few uses, and now it had another skill to add to it’s CV; ‘Outwitter of babyproofing buttons!’.

By sliding the chopstick in above the top release button and under the cupboard roof, thin end first, I was able to slide the rest of it through the small gap and as the chopstick became wider it pressed the release button down. By using my own finger to simultaneously release the underneath button the whole catch fell away with ease and the cupboard could be opened.

Step 1 –

Step 2-

Step 3 –

Taadaaa! I took a bow watched on by two rather unimpressed faces!

So there my friends endeth the lesson! Thought shalt not drink and babyproof! Unless of course you want a wonky, bodged babyproof/childproof/adultproof lock that one can open, or you have a cupboard that you REALLY don’t want get into. Ever again!

The Aloha Mummy 🌺